Jeez I'm still getting a really specific cyberpunk itch scratched with this one. Also the nice linear story keeps being a breath of fresh air. Love route-work as much as the next avid vn reader, but I'm certainly down to just let myself be on the rails of a good story.
Please ensure your music team that they're doing an incredible job. All of the asset work for this project is a cut above, of course, but the music is definitely shining brightest for me personally. I could honestly listen to Civ's House of Liars track for hours.
I think you guys have a very solid start here. The writing is great, I can tell a lot of effort has gone into crafting the lore. All in all, I'm really enjoying it and hope to read more soon. I'll definitely recommend it if anyone asks for recs.
Definitely playing and will look into supporting this project further on Patreon most likely. You can tell by the description alone a lot of love was poured into this project. I hope this project really takes off in the future. :)
while acknowledging the absolute explosion of fvns coming into creation over the last few years, to the point that im not sure if a single person could read or even be aware of all of them anymore, im very surprised by the paucity of public interaction for this project. there is a whole-ass team composing this professional production, and yet only 139 ratings? ive seen much lower-quality developments with thousands of ratings and reviews, where the hell is everyone? in the immortal words of bonnie tyler, 'where have all the good men gone?' i just downloaded this and plan on reading it soon for the first time, but this looks so promising that im baffled by its status as something underground
I have a lot of theories on why engagement has been limited, and obviously you may come up with your own upon reading. But generally speaking, I’m taking a lot of creative risks with this project (risks in the fvn space, a least), and I think the community-at-large is still trying to determine exactly how they feel about it.
The usual problem of “sex sells” aside, if I had to outline the basic issues, it’d look something like this:
The game’s still young, and takes a long time to produce because of the detail. I know many folks who have said they’re interested but want more content before they commit to reading. And with the packed field these days, there’s a lot of other options with more content.
I’ve also been told by many that science fiction is an immediate turn-off. This is in part because of the conceptual demands it places on the readers (and I’m definitely leaning into that).
The game has a somewhat unwarranted reputation of being too information-dense. I say “somewhat” because while the database is entirely optional reading, the prose itself is still rich with detail. I recognize this more literary style can be a challenging read, especially if unexpected. But a challenge is what I want to offer, within reason of course. Something to chew on.
There’s a large cast to develop. I think it’s been a drag on readers getting really invested in a favorite character since we haven’t had a ton of time with any single one for more than a chapter (yet).
If you end up having any thoughts or feedback after your read, feel free to share!
As I mentioned in my rating of the game, Everybody should go through all 3 chapters at least once, the story, visuals, and art alone are more than enough of a reason to read!
Honestly, I can’t believe how much work is being put into this vn, it’s absolutely astounding, and jaw dropping.
The worldbuilding is so expansive, and detailed, and yet it seems to remain coherent. The protagonist and his surrounding cast, so far, are all written as complex characters with their own motivations, goals, and personalities. The supporting cast, while to a lesser extent, is also given the same treatment as the main characters.
The story seems to be going at a very steady, progress oriented pace. And the way it’s written, it constantly sprinkles mystery, intrigue, makes one ask questions - about the characters, about the world, about the greater plots - in short, it keeps the reader engaged. Its prose, while at times rather verbose and a bit confounding (at least to me), is a strong point of this vn, and no wonder, it couldn’t be otherwise in a story about storytelling, storytellers, and their power to literally affect the world through words.
The visuals are very distinct, and the sprite work is really detailed and expressive for all characters so far. And those sprites are put to work, changing expressions in a way in which all the characters react in dialog. Although if I were to level a piece of criticism, to me, it feels like the characters are at times a bit too static while Ravi thinks to himself, but that is also a medium limitation - a thought train that a person would have in a rapid succession, takes longer to convey on the screen, and there also is individual reading speed. Additionally while reading update 3.A I noticed that Darek’s left arm looked somewhat awkward, especially in the bicep area - however I’ll note that I may have been too scrutinizing, and I’m not an artist so my observations in that field should be somewhat disregarded. The title screen, and the CGs are great to look at. That opening shot that was added in the 3.A update is so fantastic, and brings Mass Effect nostalgia. I’ll also admit that it’s a really inspiring move to have the map of the region created, so that the reader can have greater depth of immersion and understanding of the world.
Aurally this visual novel is on another level. In the first two updates it already had a great soundtrack, but in the update 3.A the music is absolutely enchanting, enthralling even. The absolutely captivating string opening in “Ravy of the Rayan,” which continues to evoke a myriad of emotion throughout the piece. The mysterious and mystical “The Swallow” with light chimes, and what I’m guessing to be, flute. The somber string and piano opening of “Witness” which then builds into a wind instrument part, my guess would be trumpet and saxophone of some kind, accompanied by strings and piano, to then escalate to electronic version of wind instruments, which then crescendos in the piano chord, and goes back to the opening motif. Perfection, giving the noir vibe of a Bond movie, to then progress into confrontation like part, and to finish back on the more somber note. And the playful and jazzy “Since City” with its piano opening with percussion in the background, to then smoothly transition to more wind instruments oriented piece with the accompaniment of aforementioned instruments, slowly building toward the liveliest and most expressive and kind of show-off-y latter half of the piece, which then tempers out to a more piano and string oriented finish. It is a smash hit for the scene in which it’s used. Absolute aural ascension to bliss with all those pieces of music.
I also have to commend the team for programming all those complex parts into coherent storytelling devices, for crafting, what seems to be to an untrained eye, a very in-depth and yet friendly and transparent UI, and for making that Cyber Sea animation.
I don’t know what else to call this vn, other than a very polished work of passion, because I hardly believe it’s a financially viable project. Which is a great shame, because in my very humble and meaningless opinion it’s on par with the established greats of the fvn genre. Which, to show such a mantle in just three updates is undisputedly awe inspiring. I deeply hope that this project will continue, and that in time it’ll gain greater traction.
Wow, thank you for this extremely in-depth review and critique. I made it a point to share it with the rest of the team, especially the musicians!
I’ll look into some of the other things you noted. The writing I can speak to now (since I do that).
Your observations are astute! Especially about the pacing of Ravy’s inner thoughts in the middle of dialogue. Time essentially stops whenever narration or exposition begins, so there’s a very limited window to express information before the tension of the moment begins to fade. But sometimes you just can’t express everything in dialogue. So what you see in the prose right now is me trying to find creative ways to use that limited window as efficiently as I can. I’m definitely learning as I go.
To your other point: I’m absolutely taking some risks with the prose. I’m trying to balance figurative and symbolic “litfic” moments with the crisper and snappy dialogue/action moments more typical of visual novels. I want to provide readers the fun and comfy as much as I want to challenge them with greater complexity–something to chew on and have reason to come back if it doesn’t make total sense on a first pass.
A lot of my favorite writers come from Science Fiction stock and they do so many interesting things with broad vocabulary and symbolic imagery. I’m trying my hand at it here. I am certain it will succeed in some place and not in others, and therein lies the experiment and the risk.
The places it doesn’t work, I’ll probably return to later in the development process when we have a broader and more mature understanding of the work. I’m very much a “nothing is set in stone” sort of writer. I’m very open to changing things to create the better story (within reason).
Oh, thank you, I just hope I didn’t make too much of a fool of myself in front of the entire team. And imo my statement was rather surface level, it just happened to be a bit lengthy.
Regardless, I’m grateful that you took the time to respond to my initial comment. And for clarifying the concept behind the moments of Ravy’s internal narration in relation to passage of time. Additionally, imo you’re doing a good job with that balancing act of keeping the pace, while also giving Ravy time for reflection, that’s why I included my little rebuttal to my own point of “critique.”
Oh, I absolutely love that you’re taking those chances with prose, and am looking forward to reading what else you’ll come up with. No offence, or full offence if I’ll cause one, but imo you’re still ahead of the more testy parts of your writing when it comes down to the balancing act between more, and to borrow the word, “litfic” moments and those more snappy moments. (Ofc, I’m saying that with the understanding that action doesn’t necessarily mean sth like the scene with Kavir leaping from building to building, while having Ravy attached to his back.) However, not to discredit your writing in any way, with what you’ve shown so far you’re doing a good job balancing those moments. And to kinda comment on the “weird word salad” part of the recent itch entry - it’s just my subjective opinion, and I hope it won’t come off as disrespectful, or orientalist in any way, that isn’t my intention - one of the more enticing factors of this vn’s writing are the inspirations from the more Eastern parts of our world. I, as a “westerner,” find it very perspective broadening to see those influences, while also being unable to speak about their accuracies, and just hoping that the cultures that are being borrowed from, are done justice.
On the “greater complexity in writing of this vn” point - imo it’s a feature of this vn, you’re purposefully creating those moments in the story during which characters state things in a veiled, or roundabout ways. And I believe those moments are intended to serve a kind of setup role, to then pay off later on in the story, as you’ve said, giving them new meaning, and additional layers in hindsight (and there is ofc sth to be said about re-readability value). Or, in case of the more thorough and attentive readers, possible glimpses into future plot points. And again, I believe this story to be about the power of words, so with that it’d be a further proof that the verbose nature of prose is a feature. And on a more meta level, I read at least one of the themes of the story as playing on the importance of the narratives we tell ourselves, and that can reflect on our reality as we put those narratives into action. (But I might be going in too deep on this one)
To praise your writing on a more specific level.
I loved how at the end of the conversation between Aerren and Ravy, in Ravy’s room, I kind of expected Aerren to leave that exchange with something cliche like “I love you” or sth like that. But no, he leaves Ravy with a stern reminder that he’s never known everything and that’s an illusion that Ravy built in his own mind (sth we get more context for in the 3.A build). So it subverted my own expectation, but it’s also a subversion of the subversion since that can also be read as Aerren indirectly stating that he loves Ravy, by equipping him with a better understanding of the situation, the world, and Aerren himself as a person.
Darek (sidenote: I find it funny that it’s a legitimate diminutive of a Polish name) is a very attention capturing character, and not only because of his visual design. So far he’s a self-proclaimed man of principle, but at the same time he’s smart, perceptive, well connected and informed, a member of a powerful family, and working for the Corporations, so he can’t be trusted. Which is reflected in Ravy’s attitude toward him, but then he’s “humanised” by that line of Ravy’s internal monologue about Darek being even more torn between his loyalties and being even more lonely than Ravy is. But then, I as a reader have to wonder if that was an intended outcome on Darek’s part, and how useful this tenuous alliance will be.
I find Crown to be fascinating. He’s essentially a conscious being who’s leashed and paraded as a trophy, because of the way he was born. And while luxurious, it doesn’t change the fact that a collar and a cage made of precious metals are still a collar and a cage. And his abilities are kind of like those of a siren. And the way you described the scene of crowd being enamoured with him, while making a mental connection with Ravy was brilliant, this blend of metaphysical qualities of his abilities and environmental effects of the song. And I’d like to think that I kind of understand why he comes off as so bitter, because if I could do what he can, especially since it’s connected to music, I’d be doing that as often as I could. But that also gives the reason why people like him could pose a danger to society (that statement made my skin crawl, I don’t like it’s implications, but still, don’t know how to put it better into words)
Kavir and Ravy’s relationship is such a loaded gun, that is full of mismatched desires, internal hurt, mis- and lack of communication. I'm just waiting to see the backfire at the most inconvenient time.
All this is to say that, despite it being just one opinion, I’d like to encourage you to keep taking those writing risks, and keep making those leaps of faith, because in that way you create something unique.
And I acknowledge that this is wip project so changes, adjustments, and improvements are bound to happen, hell even changes to the changes will occur from time to time. Until this project is finished, and has a “complete” release it’s in a state of malleable flux.
Once again, good luck
P.S. I know it’d be difficult, but I have to ask, would there be a possibility of buying the soundtrack, cuz I’d love to get my hands on those instrumentals.
You’re absolutely fine! Everyone appreciated the shout-out.
Also thank you for all of your support and encouragement!
It’s funny that you mention “orientalism” because I’m familiar with Edward Said’s work and very conscious of how indelicate depictions of non-western cultures can be. My intention is definitely to provide a nuanced view of every culture (and their inspirations) to the best of my ability.
You’re very correct about both the complexity and the metanarrative. I’ve tried to artfully layer meaning and foreshadowing in different ways, some of it quite veiled. As mentioned in the other itch post, ‘getting it’ isn’t required to enjoy the work, but it’s there for those who enjoy reading into things. (I encourage it!)
On Aerran x Ravy: I probably spent 40+ hours writing and rewriting that godforsaken scene lmao. Some feedback has been it’s belaboring the point and could be expressed more simply, and I don’t necessarily disagree? But the belaboring is trying to accomplish a lot of things: Characterize Aerran and his big brain opaqueness, metacomment on complexity, and as you stated, leave the scene with unresolved tension to capitalize on later.
On Darek: (I did not realize that about his name, but it works!) I’m glad he came off the way you’ve described. He’s definitely supposed to be a character with unclear motivations. I don’t want to say more lest I give away too much.
On Crown: You have characterized him very well, and we’ll definitely be digging more into all of that in chapters 3B/4.
On Kavir: Exactly.
I love that you spent so much time thinking about all this. It’s why I put so much effort into being really specific with construction often down to the word. It’s unfortunate when it doesn’t land, but it’s soooo satisfying when it does and I get feedback like this.
Thank you!
Highly recommend this VN for anyone who wants to get that itch of high tech and mystery. There is much to the world that is unknown that is slowly unraveled in an organic way without forcing the protagonist to be another insert. They feel alive and unique. This story is not a dating simulator but a story, which deserves praise for many games of the same genre fall to the trope of trying to make so many routes.
I've to say this is among my favorite VNs so far. The story, the setting, and the characters are all intriguing so I'm eagerly waiting to see more of it. I specifically like the feel of somewhat bladerunnerish world and "Cyber magic". I wonder if the entire world is actually a simulation what with the "story time" thing. Oh, and the art is terrific, too!
I actually do like the fact that this is a story and not a dating sim. Now my hope is that it's not gonna be 100% black and white with "big corporate evil" vs "edgy criminal rebels good" theme. I very much prefer shades of grey worlds where things are imperfect and good people sometimes do questionable or outright bad things to survive. Introduction of Darek and his view of not wanting to be a pawn gives me some hope about this.
I specifically like the contrast between Darek and his father and why Darek wants to ally with the MC. I also wonder if MC is going to exploit Darek's weakness of feeling trapped and lonely but he also seems too smart to fall into this - I'm hoping this will be one of those relationships where both really want to be friends but keep getting tangled by a complex web of allegiances that makes it difficult to fully trust each other. *grabs popcorn*
My inspirations for this project absolutely include Bladerunner. We’re looking at Film Noir, Spy Thrillers, Cyberfantasy Speculative Fiction video game staples like the Xeno series (Xenogears, Xenosaga), and obviously Cyberpunk staples like Neuromancer. Pretty much all of these explore different nuances of the human condition, and argue there’s often few clear distinctions between the virtuous and the villainous.
I’m not going to pretend that I’ll explore those themes as gracefully as elevated authors like Philip K Dick or William Gibson, haha, but rest assured that black and white is not the aim here.
chap 3A kinda make more sense for me because i think the crown like have 2 personality of him. Outside dad and us, he become more fun with jazz music but inside him is bad when he meet us. i guess i will wait until chap3B release to see what happen. is Ravy actually "like"Kavir or not? i just curious about that because them seem like a couple to me from start and the scenes in ch2 when Kavir in other side say some crew guy know about us together, you know.
You’ll definitely be seeing more of Crown going forward! He absolutely has a “stage face” vs his normal grumpy scrungly self. And yeah it is Crown that thinks Ravy x Kavir being in relationship while working together is a bad idea.
As for Kavir, we’ll be seeing more of him in Ch 4 to better answer your questions about that. The short summary is that Ravy x Kavir are indeed close but have a complicated relationship.
Thank you! And not yet, but Volume 1 (chapters 1-3) will 100% be getting a release on youtube. For spotify, we still need to figure out licensing arrangements, but we’ll announce it once that’s figured out.
Human to anthro in some capacity. Specifics are big spoiler territory, but we’ll be going a little more into it in chapter 3, and the title screen hints at it as well.
Right quick I read the cover as “Zero String” instead of “String Zero”. I fully understand you designed the Zero to be less noticable with string having the stark white and in the front. The banner up top reads a bit better but he big purple Zero variant still felt more evident than the word string.
The quality of this Vn is amazing. Especially the animation for Jazz tech. All the characters have these hints of something more that they hide behind outside personalities and it just pulls you in. The loom is a great way to read about the lore of the world and not boggle the reader with forced excessive information dumps.
This is becoming one of my favorite VN's as of late. The general vibe, characters and setting are a treat to read and experience. The music also rocks too👌
I love the complexity of the story. It's like one big puzzle, and once you piece together the info for yourself it really adds a lot to what the characters are saying. It makes the world feel more alive and moving. I also loved the map inclusion in this past update too.
The only small fix I would make it to highlight an important word or phrase the first time it's mentioned. Then once you click on it takes you to the LOOM description immediately. I feel that would help with the flow of the story a little bit.
Otherwise I love everything else, and I can't wait until the next update! This VN is a gem. Keep up the great work 💎
I’m glad you’re enjoying the game and thank you for the feedback!
We’ll probably continue experimenting with the best way to communicate the LOOM information. We’re trying to find some compromise between timely information reveals but not annoying the reader with an abundance of notifications.
What a great flippin' update! 😁 I had a lot of fun reading it. I love the direction and am excited to see where xou guys take it~ 😌 Also, I like the little intro xou added to the beginning, it really helps to set the pace 😋
There's a craaazy amount of info in the LOOM, like, omg 😐 the world building for String Zero is absolutely insane! 😯 I must applaud xou for this
I'm not sure if it was the sheer quantity of information, or maybe a combination of the font and honeycomb background, but I found it difficult to read the right side panel in the LOOM (I have partial dyslexia, so that could be why). Everything is well written and coherent, but it felt like trying to detangle a mess of cables spun by a self taught IT technician 😅
1ne final thing. When the Visor pops up, the VN becomes laggy (enough that the entire background flashes black and only displays the dialogue box and HUD). I don't usually have this problem with animated VNs, so I'm not sure if it's just my resolution (1366x768) or what, but I thought I'd let xa'll know.
The short answer is: I’m using 18+ as a general umbrella for anything adult, which may include NSFW. So if anyone wants to avoid NSFW, this game may not be for them.
The longer answer is: I’ve been ambiguous about it intentionally because while I am not presently planning on any specific explicit scenes, I want the freedom to include them if I decide it’s meaningful to do so.
However, if I call the game NSFW, then there’s an expectation for sex scenes, which may upset readers if I ultimately decide not to include them. If I don’t call the game NSFW but then include sex scenes, I’ll potentially upset those who are reading the game to avoid NSFW.
It is a complicated space to exist, so I’m trying to be thoughtful about it.
you could just impliment a show or hide NSFW system? Ive seen some artists do it where if you click SFW, it will take a set of code and the story will run as if meant to be sfw only, while on the flip side, toggling NSFW would use a seperate set of code and the story would then read off the more adult lines as if always ment to be NSFW.
it basically means, writing two seperate sets of text.
this can also, influence the people who tend to be completionists to try both so they can get a unique perspective of each toggle.
up to you, but it may help you. in this context, you could leave the game as labled 18+, and ask the rerader which experience they prefer when they launch the game
I'm not the best at coding, but i have a friend who could help. Im also a decent author myself, and would love to help you with writing that if you desired any
I’ve thought a lot about this and actually wrote a long twitter thread about it, which you can read here. I’ll expand on it somewhat.
In short, I’m fine with implementing some kind of visual censorship, such as blurs or black bars for nudity in CGs, because society has very different opinions about visual vs. literary sex and nudity (and also I don’t want streamers to get in trouble).
It’s important to note that “NSFW” means different things to different people. To some people it means “any kind of sex,” to others it means “explicit, pornographic sex written intentionally to arouse.” These are not the same things because the first could suggest someone thinks a work is NSFW because of a general discomfort with sex or it could be contextual discomfort (such as reading sex in public/at work). Those are both fair and specific concerns that fall under my answer of “this game is 18+ and may have contextually inappropriate content; avoid it if that makes you uncomfortable.”
The second interpretation of NSFW, however, is typically the one that gets all the discourse. I encourage everyone to think hard on why they think about NSFW the way they do. For me, I see the situation like this: An anti-NSFW (or NSFW ambivalent) argument that reads NSFW solely as “explicit, pornographic sex written intentionally to arouse” is problematic because it presumes the author’s intention, and generally presumes it is always the same (“only getting the reader off”) with little nuance. It then proceeds to base an argument of “NSFW is unnecessary fan service” or “NSFW is just porn” from there. Therefore, NSFW is “just something you can hide or remove” because it’s not important. It’s fluff. It’s designed to arouse and nothing more.
I think that is a problematic argument because it presumes sex is always something meaningless, and must always be intentionally pornographic, when sex can be some of the most powerful, vulnerable, revealing moments of a novel. You don’t see literary fiction shying away from sex scenes for example, and those aren’t considered pornographic. Indeed, they often end up on popular and very public best-seller lists.
This is why I personally think censoring words, such as writing two completely separate scenes for NSFW vs SFW is fundamentally inappropriate (unless the scene was literally only written to be porn and has no other purpose—a rarity, in most media). Authors are very particular with their words, and I’m trying to communicate some very specific things when I write. If those specific things require some level of explicit detail, then compromising that detail for the sake of being SFW means I’m not communicating what I intended the way I intended, and am essentially self-censoring.
That’s what I mean when I said earlier “if I feel it’s meaningful.” If the sex is developing characters in a meaningful way, it’s important to include it; if it’s not, then I won’t. If that inclusion makes someone uncomfortable, fair enough! Then this story may not be for them. This is also why I don’t want to promise NSFW: I’m not shy about including sex in my writing, but this isn’t a game about sex, so I don’t want readers to be caught up on a promise of something titillating when that’s not a primary focus of the novel. Again: If sex scenes are appropriate to communicate something, I’ll include them. If not, I won’t.
you have definitely made a loyal reader from me. I have no missgivings, no complaints, and definitely no arguments from me. Im not looking for sex in a vn to get me off, if i want sex in it, its because i want to see the bond between characters grow and flourish. I want to grow attatched to the character and truly connect with them.
So please, by all means keep up the amazing work, and thank you for talking about this with me!
Holy. Shit. I read the dev log mentioning that the writing would be toned down and rewritten in future updates, and whilst I understand why, I just want to say, I LOVE IT. My first experience with this game was having it muted whilst I quickly finished an email, coming back to it, unmuting it, and being blasted with the main menu song going unnecessarily hard with the gorgeous art in the background. The cryptic intro was giving me that amazing feeling of the sublime that I absolutely love, and even more than that, the amount of worldbuilding. Granted, this was one feature that I think actually was a bit distracting, as worldbuilding nerd that I am, I stopped reading every time a notification popped up to get the lore, but maybe just making the notification discreet or even nonexistent would fix that, just by making it so you only read them in longer, more spaced-out bursts, instead of getting the urge to read them every time? idk
also, listening to the soundtrack rn as I write this and UGHHHHHHHH shit FUCKS so hard, I've never gotten such cinematic vibes from a VN before, except maybe soulcreek? but even then, soulcreek has like one song that slaps and the rest is just really good sound design, this vn is one chapter in and there are like, a good six I'd happily put on my playlist. Okay, that's a lie. Maybe eight.
I feel obliged to keep talking about the writing. It's so UGH YES, just MMMM yes. I'M ONE CHAPTER IN Y'ALL and it's serving total cunt at every turn from poetry to cryptic verse to witty banter, and just, it's the small things, like 'LOOM' tying into the motif of threads, or the first time you see the LOOM entry it's corrupted with Kavir(?)'s commentary near the end. The attention to detail is just fucking fabulous.
Also, the premise is yes.
And it's just so original? Like, yes, frostbitten worlds are a trope. But has literal storytelling magic ever been done before? A youtuber I watch (Nakari Speardane) has a somewhat similar idea of magic manifesting what people believe to be the truth into it, but still, that's not even close to the way this interlinks with the post-acopalypse of the world, and IBSIHCBEWLHJCBHIBV
just oh my god. Have I ever been so thoroughly hooked, lined, and sinkered so quickly before? I don't think so. This VN is unique in that way
Tl;Dr please don't change the prose too much I love it so much
Thank you so much for engaging with the work! And never fear: it’s just the introduction that’s getting a rework. My style of prose will otherwise remain.
As the very first thing new readers see, we ultimately decided the poetry of the introduction went a little too hard into literary fiction for mostly indulgent reasons. I think we can keep some of that sublime sense while grounding it in more concrete details that are a bit easier to follow.
In any event, this is all a work in progress, so I’ll definitely be playing with ideas and revisions as we go along, hehe.
(Also a note that if you leave the LOOM notification up, it won’t indicate any new entries. It just stays there. LOOMing. Begging you to read it. But otherwise leaves you alone. So you can exercise restraint, right? 😁)
Wow. Gotta say it's been a pretty good while since a VN has gripped me this hard from the jump. Wonderful soundtrack and polished visuals to boot. This project certainly has my attention; I'll be keeping tabs on it for sure. Thanks for your work.
Great start. The lore drops are fitting since the start of the VN is actually the MC exploring the ruins, and the monologue already tells us he got dad issues, and what to see in his backstory. Characters aren't bland and boring; they have personality and imperfection, and most important -- goals.
I liked that we have an established relationship already which makes I am hoping we'll get context of their intimacy as the casual conversation occurs every time -- granting readers more access how they came to be.
The lore drops are nice to have since we literally started exploring a ruin without context of the world. But I think it's due to have the character expand on the next chapter since we already got plenty of lore drops already surrounding the world. Unless, you want to add more, but I suggest it to be related to the plot like -- more context of why they fled, we only got a general idea, we need an expansion on that area, letting it flow naturally -- my opinion.
The start is: Worldbuilding, introduction and some lore; next chapter would need some polishing on who the characters are as we only got the surface. Fractured society is a hard plot to play around due to how complex it is, but I Like complex plots a lot -- it can show how well you are committed to the story. Loom update is nice, but most would probably ignore this but if the readers want an in-depth of the loom update from the casual conversation that occurred beforehand, I'd say it's a good rendition to explore the world as we read and revisit things -- QOL. Currently, with the lore of Chapter 1, you are between too much that it's overwhelming and too little the world is flat -- you're in just the right space of the amount of lore you are showing to the player as we get context of the place they are currently in and the conflict that is yet to be revealed. Since this is a cyperpunk theme... and transhumanism is often a staple concept of this sci-fi --- I wonder what upgrades and techs he will get!
Hoping fast updates with consistent quality <3 Kudos!
The setting is interesting and I'm eager to learn more about the factions, cultures and technologies we hear about. I think the LOOM is a great way to give us information without breaking immersion and I felt it told us enough to get a general idea of the world and characters while still leaving more to be discovered in the main storyline. Ravy's Story Time segment has intriguing implications. I suspect he's directly manipulating the Jazz without using Jazztech. The digital appearance and the way it recreates the ancient Liosian past suggests it has some connection to the cyberspace mentioned in the opening. The 'breathing' hallway and possible connection to Kweythwehnto also left me curious. Overall, the worldbuilding is original and creative so I'm eager to see where you go with it.
The writing had a consistently high quality and the introduction quickly pulled me in. I know some might not like the cryptic opening, but I personally wouldn't change anything. It's an effective way to get us invested in the mystery of what happened to the ancient Liosians, what their technology was like and how the opening narration is connected to the rest of the story. Bonus points for the clue in binary and the initial LOOM screen, I enjoyed these subtle hints. The character interactions and pace of the story were on point and kept me wanting more.
I loved the music and how well each track fit the mood of each scene. I like the sprites for the most part and the CG and background art are gorgeous. The UI was aesthetically pleasing and complements the theme of the game. You've already added image and music galleries which I appreciate.
As for possible improvements, I think there were some missed opportunities for CGs like during the rooftop embrace or the skydiving scene so I'd suggest adding a few more CGs to make the game more immersive. You've made good use of backgrounds for this but for some scenes I think it'd be better to see characters interacting with each other and the environment and for that a CG is better. Speaking of backgrounds, you might want to include them in the gallery alongside the CGs. Another thing, it would be better if the LOOM had an indicator showing which information was updated. I also think the posing of Kavir's hunched sprites looked a bit awkward and uncomfortable but perhaps that's just because they're meant to depict motion instead of being static. Overall, there's not much to improve so you're doing a fantastic job so far.
Thank you so much for the thoughtful feedback! There are some good ideas here we’ll consider for the future.
As for CGs, those are entirely limited by budget at the moment (though you are very correct about the CG placements, and I hope to revisit early chapters for more illustration development should our funding increase).
The game seems interesting thanks to it atmosphere, visual and writing styles, but because the setting is so otherworldly and crypitc the worldbuilding quickly confused me with a lot of information even with the built-in encyclopedia. Over the course of the first hour my mind couldn't be helped but bombarded with all sorts of questions, like:
What is the current state of the world and how high or low an average standard of living; how exactly these factors are influenced by Jazz corp; What role this corporation plays in grand scheme of things in general; why Nu Lios is ruined and why the corp or the government won’t rebuild it to expand their territory and salvage it into something useful; how exactly the clans function; how come protagonist so closely befriended the very boss of such an esteemed organisation like KE&E; What are his worldview, hopes, and dreams besides of simply going independent; what kind of limitation his power have from preventing him from essentially becoming a god; is this story is going to be as depressing and hopeless as Cyberpunk Edgerunners
well, you get the idea. I know that some of these questions will be answered later on, but it's kinda weird that instead of introducing at least a vague understanding of the world the story is too busy showing protagonist and his friend parkouring on abondend ruins first hour or so. It would be nice if the setting would answer at least a half of question that I have so I won't be endlessly confused while I'm readini this vn.
Other then that the story is immersive and enjoyable.
You are correct that many of these questions will be touched on over the course of the novel. Unfortunately, there’s a give and take when it comes to exposition and lore-seeding: Some people love it crunchy and dense, others find it obstructive to sift through.
We’ve already received feedback that there’s both too much lore and not enough, so figuring out how to the thread the needle to offer just the right amount of information will continue to be a challenge!
This is why we included the LOOM and also why we are doing the supplemental podcasts: So those folks who really want to dive into the world have that option, but without slowing the pace of the narrative. The important questions we’ll answer over time, the rest we’ll slip in where we can (with revisions as necessary).
Glad you guys listening to criticism. I myself don’t really like extensive exposition, but when your world-building is so complex it can become very overwhelming very fast. Then again, it might have been my personal problem as well as I usually prefer more simple settings.
Because of the linear nature of the narrative, there are presently no plans to allow for player customization of the main character.
(The planned story is very deep, so the added complexity of storing and accounting for player choices is beyond the current scope to keep development moving at a reasonable pace.)
The ladder was a great way to get attention, introduce things, and hit the ground running. The vague statements that were before that scene could be moved, cut, or significantly reduced down to the best parts as they mainly provided unclear bloat that lacked context. Bonus points for a "magic" system that felt original and dangerous.
The most memorable part of the poetry for me was the imagery of the hand with too many fingers reaching skywards. A very cool way to describe the tall buildings of the city imo. The foreshadowing isn't a bad idea, but it felt like it overstayed its welcome. The star crossed lovers intro from Romeo and Juliet comes to mind as how much keeps the reader's attention span. At the very least I suggest labeling it as a prolog so people have a clear expectation that what they're reading is directed at them rather then a character in the story.
Edit: Ah! I did see your review, and thank you for the feedback. I can say that yes, the Ravy character does have flaws - he is, after all, struggling for independence and self-empowerment after being sheltered for some time. The question is if he’s handling this struggle in the most productive or thoughtful of ways.😉
No doubt his impulsivity and inexperience will lead to conflict. The interesting thing, for me at least, is how he deals with the consequences.
Also a suggestion, but it's up to you, you might want to take it easy with the info dump on the lore since it would confuse some readers. Again it's up to you.
Yup, there’s definitely an art to efficiently communicating world details in stories like this: Too much and it gets bogged down and is potentially confusing. Too little and the world lacks depth and is even more confusing.
Trying to find that middle line is always the challenge, and I don’t pretend to always get it right. I’m certain we’ll veer back and forth and try to make refinements throughout development.
I love the soundtrack and the story so far. Already, we have hints at three big plots and I find that exciting! I'm invested. Even the art of Ravy and Kavir just looking at the city was gorgeous. Straight up took me to my own memories of gray skies and white winter days.
I really like that Ravy and Kavir are in an established relationship (or that's what it seems like to me at least) at the start of the game and somewhat intimate at that, a nice change of pace from other vns.
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Jeez I'm still getting a really specific cyberpunk itch scratched with this one. Also the nice linear story keeps being a breath of fresh air. Love route-work as much as the next avid vn reader, but I'm certainly down to just let myself be on the rails of a good story.
Please ensure your music team that they're doing an incredible job. All of the asset work for this project is a cut above, of course, but the music is definitely shining brightest for me personally. I could honestly listen to Civ's House of Liars track for hours.
Thank you! It’s gratifying to hear that the story is engaging despite not being routed.
And I’ll definitely pass the kudos along to them!
I think you guys have a very solid start here. The writing is great, I can tell a lot of effort has gone into crafting the lore. All in all, I'm really enjoying it and hope to read more soon. I'll definitely recommend it if anyone asks for recs.
I’m extremely flattered and grateful. Thank you!
Looks good. Very unfortunate you guys went with a human PC though.
Appreciated! I hope you’re still able to enjoy it.
Definitely playing and will look into supporting this project further on Patreon most likely. You can tell by the description alone a lot of love was poured into this project. I hope this project really takes off in the future. :)
Thank you so much!
while acknowledging the absolute explosion of fvns coming into creation over the last few years, to the point that im not sure if a single person could read or even be aware of all of them anymore, im very surprised by the paucity of public interaction for this project. there is a whole-ass team composing this professional production, and yet only 139 ratings? ive seen much lower-quality developments with thousands of ratings and reviews, where the hell is everyone? in the immortal words of bonnie tyler, 'where have all the good men gone?' i just downloaded this and plan on reading it soon for the first time, but this looks so promising that im baffled by its status as something underground
I definitely appreciate the sentiment!
I have a lot of theories on why engagement has been limited, and obviously you may come up with your own upon reading. But generally speaking, I’m taking a lot of creative risks with this project (risks in the fvn space, a least), and I think the community-at-large is still trying to determine exactly how they feel about it.
The usual problem of “sex sells” aside, if I had to outline the basic issues, it’d look something like this:
If you end up having any thoughts or feedback after your read, feel free to share!
I only found this today because someone I followed rated it
Thanks for checking us out!
As I mentioned in my rating of the game, Everybody should go through all 3 chapters at least once, the story, visuals, and art alone are more than enough of a reason to read!
Thank you, Hash! 💖
I love this story
Thank you!
Oh noooooo
Spoiler maybe?
I am upsettingly into Darek
I like Kavir but Darek is husband shaped....
😏😏😏😏
What a cool and unique concept I love the story and characters.
2024 is the year for us furies to break into the mainstream.
Amazing game Can't wait to play more
Thank you!! 🙏
Honestly, I can’t believe how much work is being put into this vn, it’s absolutely astounding, and jaw dropping.
The worldbuilding is so expansive, and detailed, and yet it seems to remain coherent. The protagonist and his surrounding cast, so far, are all written as complex characters with their own motivations, goals, and personalities. The supporting cast, while to a lesser extent, is also given the same treatment as the main characters.
The story seems to be going at a very steady, progress oriented pace. And the way it’s written, it constantly sprinkles mystery, intrigue, makes one ask questions - about the characters, about the world, about the greater plots - in short, it keeps the reader engaged. Its prose, while at times rather verbose and a bit confounding (at least to me), is a strong point of this vn, and no wonder, it couldn’t be otherwise in a story about storytelling, storytellers, and their power to literally affect the world through words.
The visuals are very distinct, and the sprite work is really detailed and expressive for all characters so far. And those sprites are put to work, changing expressions in a way in which all the characters react in dialog. Although if I were to level a piece of criticism, to me, it feels like the characters are at times a bit too static while Ravi thinks to himself, but that is also a medium limitation - a thought train that a person would have in a rapid succession, takes longer to convey on the screen, and there also is individual reading speed. Additionally while reading update 3.A I noticed that Darek’s left arm looked somewhat awkward, especially in the bicep area - however I’ll note that I may have been too scrutinizing, and I’m not an artist so my observations in that field should be somewhat disregarded. The title screen, and the CGs are great to look at. That opening shot that was added in the 3.A update is so fantastic, and brings Mass Effect nostalgia. I’ll also admit that it’s a really inspiring move to have the map of the region created, so that the reader can have greater depth of immersion and understanding of the world.
Aurally this visual novel is on another level. In the first two updates it already had a great soundtrack, but in the update 3.A the music is absolutely enchanting, enthralling even. The absolutely captivating string opening in “Ravy of the Rayan,” which continues to evoke a myriad of emotion throughout the piece. The mysterious and mystical “The Swallow” with light chimes, and what I’m guessing to be, flute. The somber string and piano opening of “Witness” which then builds into a wind instrument part, my guess would be trumpet and saxophone of some kind, accompanied by strings and piano, to then escalate to electronic version of wind instruments, which then crescendos in the piano chord, and goes back to the opening motif. Perfection, giving the noir vibe of a Bond movie, to then progress into confrontation like part, and to finish back on the more somber note. And the playful and jazzy “Since City” with its piano opening with percussion in the background, to then smoothly transition to more wind instruments oriented piece with the accompaniment of aforementioned instruments, slowly building toward the liveliest and most expressive and kind of show-off-y latter half of the piece, which then tempers out to a more piano and string oriented finish. It is a smash hit for the scene in which it’s used. Absolute aural ascension to bliss with all those pieces of music.
I also have to commend the team for programming all those complex parts into coherent storytelling devices, for crafting, what seems to be to an untrained eye, a very in-depth and yet friendly and transparent UI, and for making that Cyber Sea animation.
I don’t know what else to call this vn, other than a very polished work of passion, because I hardly believe it’s a financially viable project. Which is a great shame, because in my very humble and meaningless opinion it’s on par with the established greats of the fvn genre. Which, to show such a mantle in just three updates is undisputedly awe inspiring. I deeply hope that this project will continue, and that in time it’ll gain greater traction.
Thank you.
Wow, thank you for this extremely in-depth review and critique. I made it a point to share it with the rest of the team, especially the musicians!
I’ll look into some of the other things you noted. The writing I can speak to now (since I do that).
Your observations are astute! Especially about the pacing of Ravy’s inner thoughts in the middle of dialogue. Time essentially stops whenever narration or exposition begins, so there’s a very limited window to express information before the tension of the moment begins to fade. But sometimes you just can’t express everything in dialogue. So what you see in the prose right now is me trying to find creative ways to use that limited window as efficiently as I can. I’m definitely learning as I go.
To your other point: I’m absolutely taking some risks with the prose. I’m trying to balance figurative and symbolic “litfic” moments with the crisper and snappy dialogue/action moments more typical of visual novels. I want to provide readers the fun and comfy as much as I want to challenge them with greater complexity–something to chew on and have reason to come back if it doesn’t make total sense on a first pass.
A lot of my favorite writers come from Science Fiction stock and they do so many interesting things with broad vocabulary and symbolic imagery. I’m trying my hand at it here. I am certain it will succeed in some place and not in others, and therein lies the experiment and the risk.
The places it doesn’t work, I’ll probably return to later in the development process when we have a broader and more mature understanding of the work. I’m very much a “nothing is set in stone” sort of writer. I’m very open to changing things to create the better story (within reason).
Oh, thank you, I just hope I didn’t make too much of a fool of myself in front of the entire team. And imo my statement was rather surface level, it just happened to be a bit lengthy.
Regardless, I’m grateful that you took the time to respond to my initial comment. And for clarifying the concept behind the moments of Ravy’s internal narration in relation to passage of time. Additionally, imo you’re doing a good job with that balancing act of keeping the pace, while also giving Ravy time for reflection, that’s why I included my little rebuttal to my own point of “critique.”
Oh, I absolutely love that you’re taking those chances with prose, and am looking forward to reading what else you’ll come up with. No offence, or full offence if I’ll cause one, but imo you’re still ahead of the more testy parts of your writing when it comes down to the balancing act between more, and to borrow the word, “litfic” moments and those more snappy moments. (Ofc, I’m saying that with the understanding that action doesn’t necessarily mean sth like the scene with Kavir leaping from building to building, while having Ravy attached to his back.) However, not to discredit your writing in any way, with what you’ve shown so far you’re doing a good job balancing those moments. And to kinda comment on the “weird word salad” part of the recent itch entry - it’s just my subjective opinion, and I hope it won’t come off as disrespectful, or orientalist in any way, that isn’t my intention - one of the more enticing factors of this vn’s writing are the inspirations from the more Eastern parts of our world. I, as a “westerner,” find it very perspective broadening to see those influences, while also being unable to speak about their accuracies, and just hoping that the cultures that are being borrowed from, are done justice.
On the “greater complexity in writing of this vn” point - imo it’s a feature of this vn, you’re purposefully creating those moments in the story during which characters state things in a veiled, or roundabout ways. And I believe those moments are intended to serve a kind of setup role, to then pay off later on in the story, as you’ve said, giving them new meaning, and additional layers in hindsight (and there is ofc sth to be said about re-readability value). Or, in case of the more thorough and attentive readers, possible glimpses into future plot points. And again, I believe this story to be about the power of words, so with that it’d be a further proof that the verbose nature of prose is a feature. And on a more meta level, I read at least one of the themes of the story as playing on the importance of the narratives we tell ourselves, and that can reflect on our reality as we put those narratives into action. (But I might be going in too deep on this one)
To praise your writing on a more specific level.
I loved how at the end of the conversation between Aerren and Ravy, in Ravy’s room, I kind of expected Aerren to leave that exchange with something cliche like “I love you” or sth like that. But no, he leaves Ravy with a stern reminder that he’s never known everything and that’s an illusion that Ravy built in his own mind (sth we get more context for in the 3.A build). So it subverted my own expectation, but it’s also a subversion of the subversion since that can also be read as Aerren indirectly stating that he loves Ravy, by equipping him with a better understanding of the situation, the world, and Aerren himself as a person.
Darek (sidenote: I find it funny that it’s a legitimate diminutive of a Polish name) is a very attention capturing character, and not only because of his visual design. So far he’s a self-proclaimed man of principle, but at the same time he’s smart, perceptive, well connected and informed, a member of a powerful family, and working for the Corporations, so he can’t be trusted. Which is reflected in Ravy’s attitude toward him, but then he’s “humanised” by that line of Ravy’s internal monologue about Darek being even more torn between his loyalties and being even more lonely than Ravy is. But then, I as a reader have to wonder if that was an intended outcome on Darek’s part, and how useful this tenuous alliance will be.
I find Crown to be fascinating. He’s essentially a conscious being who’s leashed and paraded as a trophy, because of the way he was born. And while luxurious, it doesn’t change the fact that a collar and a cage made of precious metals are still a collar and a cage. And his abilities are kind of like those of a siren. And the way you described the scene of crowd being enamoured with him, while making a mental connection with Ravy was brilliant, this blend of metaphysical qualities of his abilities and environmental effects of the song. And I’d like to think that I kind of understand why he comes off as so bitter, because if I could do what he can, especially since it’s connected to music, I’d be doing that as often as I could. But that also gives the reason why people like him could pose a danger to society (that statement made my skin crawl, I don’t like it’s implications, but still, don’t know how to put it better into words)
Kavir and Ravy’s relationship is such a loaded gun, that is full of mismatched desires, internal hurt, mis- and lack of communication. I'm just waiting to see the backfire at the most inconvenient time.
All this is to say that, despite it being just one opinion, I’d like to encourage you to keep taking those writing risks, and keep making those leaps of faith, because in that way you create something unique.
And I acknowledge that this is wip project so changes, adjustments, and improvements are bound to happen, hell even changes to the changes will occur from time to time. Until this project is finished, and has a “complete” release it’s in a state of malleable flux.
Once again, good luck
P.S. I know it’d be difficult, but I have to ask, would there be a possibility of buying the soundtrack, cuz I’d love to get my hands on those instrumentals.
You’re absolutely fine! Everyone appreciated the shout-out.
Also thank you for all of your support and encouragement!
It’s funny that you mention “orientalism” because I’m familiar with Edward Said’s work and very conscious of how indelicate depictions of non-western cultures can be. My intention is definitely to provide a nuanced view of every culture (and their inspirations) to the best of my ability.
You’re very correct about both the complexity and the metanarrative. I’ve tried to artfully layer meaning and foreshadowing in different ways, some of it quite veiled. As mentioned in the other itch post, ‘getting it’ isn’t required to enjoy the work, but it’s there for those who enjoy reading into things. (I encourage it!)
On Aerran x Ravy: I probably spent 40+ hours writing and rewriting that godforsaken scene lmao. Some feedback has been it’s belaboring the point and could be expressed more simply, and I don’t necessarily disagree? But the belaboring is trying to accomplish a lot of things: Characterize Aerran and his big brain opaqueness, metacomment on complexity, and as you stated, leave the scene with unresolved tension to capitalize on later.
On Darek: (I did not realize that about his name, but it works!) I’m glad he came off the way you’ve described. He’s definitely supposed to be a character with unclear motivations. I don’t want to say more lest I give away too much.
On Crown: You have characterized him very well, and we’ll definitely be digging more into all of that in chapters 3B/4.
On Kavir: Exactly.
I love that you spent so much time thinking about all this. It’s why I put so much effort into being really specific with construction often down to the word. It’s unfortunate when it doesn’t land, but it’s soooo satisfying when it does and I get feedback like this. Thank you!
Highly recommend this VN for anyone who wants to get that itch of high tech and mystery. There is much to the world that is unknown that is slowly unraveled in an organic way without forcing the protagonist to be another insert. They feel alive and unique. This story is not a dating simulator but a story, which deserves praise for many games of the same genre fall to the trope of trying to make so many routes.
Give this VN a read, I know I recommend it!
Thank you so much Zankies!
I've to say this is among my favorite VNs so far. The story, the setting, and the characters are all intriguing so I'm eagerly waiting to see more of it. I specifically like the feel of somewhat bladerunnerish world and "Cyber magic". I wonder if the entire world is actually a simulation what with the "story time" thing. Oh, and the art is terrific, too!
I actually do like the fact that this is a story and not a dating sim. Now my hope is that it's not gonna be 100% black and white with "big corporate evil" vs "edgy criminal rebels good" theme. I very much prefer shades of grey worlds where things are imperfect and good people sometimes do questionable or outright bad things to survive. Introduction of Darek and his view of not wanting to be a pawn gives me some hope about this.
I specifically like the contrast between Darek and his father and why Darek wants to ally with the MC. I also wonder if MC is going to exploit Darek's weakness of feeling trapped and lonely but he also seems too smart to fall into this - I'm hoping this will be one of those relationships where both really want to be friends but keep getting tangled by a complex web of allegiances that makes it difficult to fully trust each other. *grabs popcorn*
Thank you for this review!
My inspirations for this project absolutely include Bladerunner. We’re looking at Film Noir, Spy Thrillers, Cyberfantasy Speculative Fiction video game staples like the Xeno series (Xenogears, Xenosaga), and obviously Cyberpunk staples like Neuromancer. Pretty much all of these explore different nuances of the human condition, and argue there’s often few clear distinctions between the virtuous and the villainous.
I’m not going to pretend that I’ll explore those themes as gracefully as elevated authors like Philip K Dick or William Gibson, haha, but rest assured that black and white is not the aim here.
chap 3A kinda make more sense for me because i think the crown like have 2 personality of him. Outside dad and us, he become more fun with jazz music but inside him is bad when he meet us. i guess i will wait until chap3B release to see what happen. is Ravy actually "like"Kavir or not? i just curious about that because them seem like a couple to me from start and the scenes in ch2 when Kavir in other side say some crew guy know about us together, you know.
You’ll definitely be seeing more of Crown going forward! He absolutely has a “stage face” vs his normal grumpy scrungly self. And yeah it is Crown that thinks Ravy x Kavir being in relationship while working together is a bad idea.
As for Kavir, we’ll be seeing more of him in Ch 4 to better answer your questions about that. The short summary is that Ravy x Kavir are indeed close but have a complicated relationship.
The ost is so fire. Is it on Spotify?
Thank you! And not yet, but Volume 1 (chapters 1-3) will 100% be getting a release on youtube. For spotify, we still need to figure out licensing arrangements, but we’ll announce it once that’s figured out.
Oki! Cant wait!
Sex... NOW!!!!!
You’re so real adding it in rn brb
Pootis
kkkkkkkkkkk
Is there sex?
Not yet.
what kinda transformations are in the game, or planned to be?
Human to anthro in some capacity. Specifics are big spoiler territory, but we’ll be going a little more into it in chapter 3, and the title screen hints at it as well.
Right quick I read the cover as “Zero String” instead of “String Zero”. I fully understand you designed the Zero to be less noticable with string having the stark white and in the front. The banner up top reads a bit better but he big purple Zero variant still felt more evident than the word string.
We’re definitely keeping this in mind with future iterations of the logo. Thanks for the note!
No problem. <3
The quality of this Vn is amazing. Especially the animation for Jazz tech. All the characters have these hints of something more that they hide behind outside personalities and it just pulls you in. The loom is a great way to read about the lore of the world and not boggle the reader with forced excessive information dumps.
Thank you so much! We’re glad you enjoyed it.
This is becoming one of my favorite VN's as of late. The general vibe, characters and setting are a treat to read and experience. The music also rocks too👌
I love the complexity of the story. It's like one big puzzle, and once you piece together the info for yourself it really adds a lot to what the characters are saying. It makes the world feel more alive and moving. I also loved the map inclusion in this past update too.
The only small fix I would make it to highlight an important word or phrase the first time it's mentioned. Then once you click on it takes you to the LOOM description immediately. I feel that would help with the flow of the story a little bit.
Otherwise I love everything else, and I can't wait until the next update! This VN is a gem. Keep up the great work 💎
I’m glad you’re enjoying the game and thank you for the feedback!
We’ll probably continue experimenting with the best way to communicate the LOOM information. We’re trying to find some compromise between timely information reveals but not annoying the reader with an abundance of notifications.
What a great flippin' update! 😁 I had a lot of fun reading it. I love the direction and am excited to see where xou guys take it~ 😌 Also, I like the little intro xou added to the beginning, it really helps to set the pace 😋
There's a craaazy amount of info in the LOOM, like, omg 😐 the world building for String Zero is absolutely insane! 😯 I must applaud xou for this
I'm not sure if it was the sheer quantity of information, or maybe a combination of the font and honeycomb background, but I found it difficult to read the right side panel in the LOOM (I have partial dyslexia, so that could be why). Everything is well written and coherent, but it felt like trying to detangle a mess of cables spun by a self taught IT technician 😅
1ne final thing. When the Visor pops up, the VN becomes laggy (enough that the entire background flashes black and only displays the dialogue box and HUD). I don't usually have this problem with animated VNs, so I'm not sure if it's just my resolution (1366x768) or what, but I thought I'd let xa'll know.
I’m glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the feedback! We’ll look into doing an accessibility pass on the LOOM font and review the animation issue.
Kavir stole my heart and i'm not even mad about it X)
Great work, can't wait for the next update !
A Kavir lover, you say. 😁
can't thank you enough for that <3
I loved! I can't wait for the next chapter, I would love it if there were other languages like Portuguese and Spanish.
Thank you! We’ll definitely look into translations once we can find some trusted partners to work with.
I've noticed that this vn is 18+. does this mean NSFW? or just adult elements that'd require an 18+ rating like language and violence?
The short answer is: I’m using 18+ as a general umbrella for anything adult, which may include NSFW. So if anyone wants to avoid NSFW, this game may not be for them.
The longer answer is: I’ve been ambiguous about it intentionally because while I am not presently planning on any specific explicit scenes, I want the freedom to include them if I decide it’s meaningful to do so.
However, if I call the game NSFW, then there’s an expectation for sex scenes, which may upset readers if I ultimately decide not to include them. If I don’t call the game NSFW but then include sex scenes, I’ll potentially upset those who are reading the game to avoid NSFW.
It is a complicated space to exist, so I’m trying to be thoughtful about it.
you could just impliment a show or hide NSFW system? Ive seen some artists do it where if you click SFW, it will take a set of code and the story will run as if meant to be sfw only, while on the flip side, toggling NSFW would use a seperate set of code and the story would then read off the more adult lines as if always ment to be NSFW.
it basically means, writing two seperate sets of text.
this can also, influence the people who tend to be completionists to try both so they can get a unique perspective of each toggle.
up to you, but it may help you. in this context, you could leave the game as labled 18+, and ask the rerader which experience they prefer when they launch the game
I'm not the best at coding, but i have a friend who could help. Im also a decent author myself, and would love to help you with writing that if you desired any
Thanks for your thoughts!
I’ve thought a lot about this and actually wrote a long twitter thread about it, which you can read here. I’ll expand on it somewhat.
In short, I’m fine with implementing some kind of visual censorship, such as blurs or black bars for nudity in CGs, because society has very different opinions about visual vs. literary sex and nudity (and also I don’t want streamers to get in trouble).
It’s important to note that “NSFW” means different things to different people. To some people it means “any kind of sex,” to others it means “explicit, pornographic sex written intentionally to arouse.” These are not the same things because the first could suggest someone thinks a work is NSFW because of a general discomfort with sex or it could be contextual discomfort (such as reading sex in public/at work). Those are both fair and specific concerns that fall under my answer of “this game is 18+ and may have contextually inappropriate content; avoid it if that makes you uncomfortable.”
The second interpretation of NSFW, however, is typically the one that gets all the discourse. I encourage everyone to think hard on why they think about NSFW the way they do. For me, I see the situation like this: An anti-NSFW (or NSFW ambivalent) argument that reads NSFW solely as “explicit, pornographic sex written intentionally to arouse” is problematic because it presumes the author’s intention, and generally presumes it is always the same (“only getting the reader off”) with little nuance. It then proceeds to base an argument of “NSFW is unnecessary fan service” or “NSFW is just porn” from there. Therefore, NSFW is “just something you can hide or remove” because it’s not important. It’s fluff. It’s designed to arouse and nothing more.
I think that is a problematic argument because it presumes sex is always something meaningless, and must always be intentionally pornographic, when sex can be some of the most powerful, vulnerable, revealing moments of a novel. You don’t see literary fiction shying away from sex scenes for example, and those aren’t considered pornographic. Indeed, they often end up on popular and very public best-seller lists.
This is why I personally think censoring words, such as writing two completely separate scenes for NSFW vs SFW is fundamentally inappropriate (unless the scene was literally only written to be porn and has no other purpose—a rarity, in most media). Authors are very particular with their words, and I’m trying to communicate some very specific things when I write. If those specific things require some level of explicit detail, then compromising that detail for the sake of being SFW means I’m not communicating what I intended the way I intended, and am essentially self-censoring.
That’s what I mean when I said earlier “if I feel it’s meaningful.” If the sex is developing characters in a meaningful way, it’s important to include it; if it’s not, then I won’t. If that inclusion makes someone uncomfortable, fair enough! Then this story may not be for them. This is also why I don’t want to promise NSFW: I’m not shy about including sex in my writing, but this isn’t a game about sex, so I don’t want readers to be caught up on a promise of something titillating when that’s not a primary focus of the novel. Again: If sex scenes are appropriate to communicate something, I’ll include them. If not, I won’t.
I hope that helps explain my thoughts!
that does! and I'm in full agreement.
you have definitely made a loyal reader from me. I have no missgivings, no complaints, and definitely no arguments from me. Im not looking for sex in a vn to get me off, if i want sex in it, its because i want to see the bond between characters grow and flourish. I want to grow attatched to the character and truly connect with them.
So please, by all means keep up the amazing work, and thank you for talking about this with me!
Holy. Shit. I read the dev log mentioning that the writing would be toned down and rewritten in future updates, and whilst I understand why, I just want to say, I LOVE IT. My first experience with this game was having it muted whilst I quickly finished an email, coming back to it, unmuting it, and being blasted with the main menu song going unnecessarily hard
with the gorgeous art in the background. The cryptic intro was giving me that amazing feeling of the sublime that I absolutely love, and even more than that, the amount of worldbuilding. Granted, this was one feature that I think actually was a bit distracting, as worldbuilding nerd that I am, I stopped reading every time a notification popped up to get the lore, but maybe just making the notification discreet or even nonexistent would fix that, just by making it so you only read them in longer, more spaced-out bursts, instead of getting the urge to read them every time? idkalso, listening to the soundtrack rn as I write this and UGHHHHHHHH shit FUCKS so hard, I've never gotten such cinematic vibes from a VN before, except maybe soulcreek? but even then, soulcreek has like one song that slaps and the rest is just really good sound design, this vn is one chapter in and there are like, a good six I'd happily put on my playlist. Okay, that's a lie. Maybe eight.
I feel obliged to keep talking about the writing. It's so UGH YES, just MMMM yes. I'M ONE CHAPTER IN Y'ALL and it's serving total cunt at every turn from poetry to cryptic verse to witty banter, and just, it's the small things, like 'LOOM' tying into the motif of threads, or the first time you see the LOOM entry it's corrupted with Kavir(?)'s commentary near the end. The attention to detail is just fucking fabulous.
Also, the premise is yes.
And it's just so original? Like, yes, frostbitten worlds are a trope. But has literal storytelling magic ever been done before? A youtuber I watch (Nakari Speardane) has a somewhat similar idea of magic manifesting what people believe to be the truth into it, but still, that's not even close to the way this interlinks with the post-acopalypse of the world, and IBSIHCBEWLHJCBHIBV
just oh my god. Have I ever been so thoroughly hooked, lined, and sinkered so quickly before? I don't think so. This VN is unique in that way
Tl;Dr please don't change the prose too much I love it so much
Thank you so much for engaging with the work! And never fear: it’s just the introduction that’s getting a rework. My style of prose will otherwise remain.
As the very first thing new readers see, we ultimately decided the poetry of the introduction went a little too hard into literary fiction for mostly indulgent reasons. I think we can keep some of that sublime sense while grounding it in more concrete details that are a bit easier to follow.
In any event, this is all a work in progress, so I’ll definitely be playing with ideas and revisions as we go along, hehe.
(Also a note that if you leave the LOOM notification up, it won’t indicate any new entries. It just stays there. LOOMing. Begging you to read it. But otherwise leaves you alone. So you can exercise restraint, right? 😁)
Wow. Gotta say it's been a pretty good while since a VN has gripped me this hard from the jump. Wonderful soundtrack and polished visuals to boot. This project certainly has my attention; I'll be keeping tabs on it for sure. Thanks for your work.
Great start. The lore drops are fitting since the start of the VN is actually the MC exploring the ruins, and the monologue already tells us he got dad issues, and what to see in his backstory. Characters aren't bland and boring; they have personality and imperfection, and most important -- goals.
I liked that we have an established relationship already which makes I am hoping we'll get context of their intimacy as the casual conversation occurs every time -- granting readers more access how they came to be.
The lore drops are nice to have since we literally started exploring a ruin without context of the world. But I think it's due to have the character expand on the next chapter since we already got plenty of lore drops already surrounding the world. Unless, you want to add more, but I suggest it to be related to the plot like -- more context of why they fled, we only got a general idea, we need an expansion on that area, letting it flow naturally -- my opinion.
The start is: Worldbuilding, introduction and some lore; next chapter would need some polishing on who the characters are as we only got the surface.
Fractured society is a hard plot to play around due to how complex it is, but I Like complex plots a lot -- it can show how well you are committed to the story.
Loom update is nice, but most would probably ignore this but if the readers want an in-depth of the loom update from the casual conversation that occurred beforehand, I'd say it's a good rendition to explore the world as we read and revisit things -- QOL.
Currently, with the lore of Chapter 1, you are between too much that it's overwhelming and too little the world is flat -- you're in just the right space of the amount of lore you are showing to the player as we get context of the place they are currently in and the conflict that is yet to be revealed.
Since this is a cyperpunk theme... and transhumanism is often a staple concept of this sci-fi --- I wonder what upgrades and techs he will get!
Hoping fast updates with consistent quality <3
Kudos!
This is a very strong start and I'm impressed.
The setting is interesting and I'm eager to learn more about the factions, cultures and technologies we hear about. I think the LOOM is a great way to give us information without breaking immersion and I felt it told us enough to get a general idea of the world and characters while still leaving more to be discovered in the main storyline. Ravy's Story Time segment has intriguing implications. I suspect he's directly manipulating the Jazz without using Jazztech. The digital appearance and the way it recreates the ancient Liosian past suggests it has some connection to the cyberspace mentioned in the opening. The 'breathing' hallway and possible connection to Kweythwehnto also left me curious. Overall, the worldbuilding is original and creative so I'm eager to see where you go with it.
The writing had a consistently high quality and the introduction quickly pulled me in. I know some might not like the cryptic opening, but I personally wouldn't change anything. It's an effective way to get us invested in the mystery of what happened to the ancient Liosians, what their technology was like and how the opening narration is connected to the rest of the story. Bonus points for the clue in binary and the initial LOOM screen, I enjoyed these subtle hints. The character interactions and pace of the story were on point and kept me wanting more.
I loved the music and how well each track fit the mood of each scene. I like the sprites for the most part and the CG and background art are gorgeous. The UI was aesthetically pleasing and complements the theme of the game. You've already added image and music galleries which I appreciate.
As for possible improvements, I think there were some missed opportunities for CGs like during the rooftop embrace or the skydiving scene so I'd suggest adding a few more CGs to make the game more immersive. You've made good use of backgrounds for this but for some scenes I think it'd be better to see characters interacting with each other and the environment and for that a CG is better. Speaking of backgrounds, you might want to include them in the gallery alongside the CGs. Another thing, it would be better if the LOOM had an indicator showing which information was updated. I also think the posing of Kavir's hunched sprites looked a bit awkward and uncomfortable but perhaps that's just because they're meant to depict motion instead of being static. Overall, there's not much to improve so you're doing a fantastic job so far.
Thank you so much for the thoughtful feedback! There are some good ideas here we’ll consider for the future.
As for CGs, those are entirely limited by budget at the moment (though you are very correct about the CG placements, and I hope to revisit early chapters for more illustration development should our funding increase).
The game seems interesting thanks to it atmosphere, visual and writing styles, but because the setting is so otherworldly and crypitc the worldbuilding quickly confused me with a lot of information even with the built-in encyclopedia. Over the course of the first hour my mind couldn't be helped but bombarded with all sorts of questions, like:
What is the current state of the world and how high or low an average standard of living; how exactly these factors are influenced by Jazz corp; What role this corporation plays in grand scheme of things in general; why Nu Lios is ruined and why the corp or the government won’t rebuild it to expand their territory and salvage it into something useful; how exactly the clans function; how come protagonist so closely befriended the very boss of such an esteemed organisation like KE&E; What are his worldview, hopes, and dreams besides of simply going independent; what kind of limitation his power have from preventing him from essentially becoming a god;
is this story is going to be as depressing and hopeless as Cyberpunk Edgerunnerswell, you get the idea. I know that some of these questions will be answered later on, but it's kinda weird that instead of introducing at least a vague understanding of the world the story is too busy showing protagonist and his friend parkouring on abondend ruins first hour or so. It would be nice if the setting would answer at least a half of question that I have so I won't be endlessly confused while I'm readini this vn.
Other then that the story is immersive and enjoyable.
Thank you so much for engaging with the work!
You are correct that many of these questions will be touched on over the course of the novel. Unfortunately, there’s a give and take when it comes to exposition and lore-seeding: Some people love it crunchy and dense, others find it obstructive to sift through.
We’ve already received feedback that there’s both too much lore and not enough, so figuring out how to the thread the needle to offer just the right amount of information will continue to be a challenge!
This is why we included the LOOM and also why we are doing the supplemental podcasts: So those folks who really want to dive into the world have that option, but without slowing the pace of the narrative. The important questions we’ll answer over time, the rest we’ll slip in where we can (with revisions as necessary).
Glad you guys listening to criticism. I myself don’t really like extensive exposition, but when your world-building is so complex it can become very overwhelming very fast. Then again, it might have been my personal problem as well as I usually prefer more simple settings.
Your feedback is valuable! I appreciate you taking the time to offer it.
And absolutely–it can definitely become overwhelming. This is me struggling to get it right 😬 hehe
For now. Changes will occur in the story, hints of which are embedded in the title screen. But in short: Yes, the MC is human.
Will there be options to change our race? So each person can choose what they will be?
Because of the linear nature of the narrative, there are presently no plans to allow for player customization of the main character.
(The planned story is very deep, so the added complexity of storing and accounting for player choices is beyond the current scope to keep development moving at a reasonable pace.)
The ladder was a great way to get attention, introduce things, and hit the ground running. The vague statements that were before that scene could be moved, cut, or significantly reduced down to the best parts as they mainly provided unclear bloat that lacked context.
Bonus points for a "magic" system that felt original and dangerous.
That intro is going to be the death of me. 😩 The indulgent desire to poetically foreshadow vs the realities of pacing.
Thank you for the feedback!
The most memorable part of the poetry for me was the imagery of the hand with too many fingers reaching skywards. A very cool way to describe the tall buildings of the city imo.
The foreshadowing isn't a bad idea, but it felt like it overstayed its welcome. The star crossed lovers intro from Romeo and Juliet comes to mind as how much keeps the reader's attention span. At the very least I suggest labeling it as a prolog so people have a clear expectation that what they're reading is directed at them rather then a character in the story.
Chef’s kiss. Love this kind of feedback. Much appreciated!
We’re definitely going to be revisiting it.
Android build 🙏🥰 I can't wait to read this tn, Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Love kavir
It's okay, I guess
Oh? Did something in particular bother you?
Edit: Ah! I did see your review, and thank you for the feedback. I can say that yes, the Ravy character does have flaws - he is, after all, struggling for independence and self-empowerment after being sheltered for some time. The question is if he’s handling this struggle in the most productive or thoughtful of ways.😉
No doubt his impulsivity and inexperience will lead to conflict. The interesting thing, for me at least, is how he deals with the consequences.
I hope you continue reading to see how he grows!
Also a suggestion, but it's up to you, you might want to take it easy with the info dump on the lore since it would confuse some readers. Again it's up to you.
Yup, there’s definitely an art to efficiently communicating world details in stories like this: Too much and it gets bogged down and is potentially confusing. Too little and the world lacks depth and is even more confusing.
Trying to find that middle line is always the challenge, and I don’t pretend to always get it right. I’m certain we’ll veer back and forth and try to make refinements throughout development.
I love the soundtrack and the story so far. Already, we have hints at three big plots and I find that exciting! I'm invested. Even the art of Ravy and Kavir just looking at the city was gorgeous. Straight up took me to my own memories of gray skies and white winter days.
I love this! <3
I really like that Ravy and Kavir are in an established relationship (or that's what it seems like to me at least) at the start of the game and somewhat intimate at that, a nice change of pace from other vns.
Really interesting world! Hope we get to find out what some of the places are
The immediate world and geography will definitely be expanded on in the story, through the LOOM database, and in some podcasts we have planned.
bump
Waiting android ver :I
It’s done! (Finally, hehe.)